Table of Contents
Last time we met up we talked about the ways we have of coping, including things we have done in the past. As we brainstormed it became apparent that we all had activities that have really helped us in the past but that we’ve stopped doing. So, that’s what we’ve chosen to explore in this session. What gets in the way of practising self-care? And what can we do about it?
Notes from our conversation
What gets in the way of self-care?
Brainstorming prompts:
Our individuality: personality, beliefs and values
Everyday life: work, home, relationships, routines and responsibilities.
Our life history: experiences, learning, events.
Social: our culture, the social structure or system we live in, norms.
- Kids/ work/ no time/ always busy.
- Information overload..
- Loneliness – trying to go it alone.
- Self-care doesn’t seem to be working – issue too big to address through lifestyle changes.
- Laziness – easier to slump in front of a mediocre crime drama with a bottle of wine.
- I get bored.
- I’m feeling better so (I think) I don’t need it anymore.
- It feels a bit self-indulgent.
- Singing – work gets in the way.
- I was taught that I shouldn’t go to bed in the day.
- Cognitive dissonance.
- Wrong diet.
- Watching TV
- Depression, fear, lack of a future.
- My partner sometimes thinks my kind of relaxation isn’t the right thing.
- I’ve never got time it gets pushed to the back.
Our thoughts about these obstacles to practising self-care
- What counts as self-care will be different for different people. For example, watching TV could be avoidance, could make you feel worse or could be relaxing depending on what you’re watching and why.
- We’re affected by societies expectations – feeling like you’re supposed to be busy.
- Shaming of people for being ‘lazy’.
- Pressure to be doing something.
- Pressure to be successful.
- There can be legitimate reasons for not taking time out to take care of yourself – some things are objectively more important.
- Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’re hiding behind an excuse or if you have a genuine obstacle – for example working around children’s routine.
- Pick your battles carefully.
- It catches up to you if you don’t make time for self-care.
- Some things are very difficult to avoid, even though they make you feel worse, because they are designed to make you binge:
- Doom-scrolling
- Radio 4 in the background
- Information overload
- Too much news
- Over-consumption is at the root of the climate crisis and seems to be under what’s happening here. It connects the climate crisis, information overload and the way self-care is sold. We need to debourgeoisify self-care!
The general consensus was that self-care is difficult to maintain but we need to do it!
References and further reading
Alexander technique: constructive rest on You Tube
Self-help resources
Behavioural activation: charge your battery worksheet
Behavioural activation worksheet: restarting activities
Manage your mood with ACE activities
Articles on the politics of self-care
How self-care has been co-opted and race, gender and class impact on who is able to practice self-care and who is excluded.
I’ve collected these articles together while I was thinking and reading about self-care in preparation for this meet-up. It’s not at all comprehensive but I’ve found them useful for thinking more clearly about some of the problems with self-care in our society.
The radical history of self-care from BBC Radio 4 ‘In Four’
The history of self-care from Slate.com
‘White people, we need to talk about ‘self-care‘’ by Anna Borges
Beware of burnout by Tatiana Mac
Tamara Toles O’Laughlin is decentering whiteness and reimagining climate work an interview with Tamara Toles O’Laughlin and Britt Wray on Gen Dread
‘Wellness is not women’s friend. It’s a distraction from what ails us.’ from The Conversation
Self-Care: how a radical feminist idea was stripped of politics for the mass market by André Spicer in The Guardian
‘The politics of conspicuous displays of self-care’ from The New Yorker