These notes were taken during one of our Climate Conversations. They summarize the responses to our conversation topic and are shared with the participants’ permission.
Our first thoughts: How can we make talking about climate grief and loss more acceptable?
- Try experimenting with having conversations in existing relationships.
- Ask for help with our grief rather than trying to get people to talk about theirs.
- Ask yourself why you want to have the conversation:
- Climate change is related to death and our feelings around that.
- The loss isn’t linear with climate change.
- And it’s open-ended.
- There’s a lot to be said for simply being open and honest in conversations.
- People who might not be with you on climate change have nowhere to go. They could dispute facts, but they can’t argue with your feelings.
- I wouldn’t talk to strangers about grief. It’s harder to know how to approach the subject with the in-between people, acquaintances you don’t know so well.
- Refusing to cooperate with upholding the taboo.
- Being open to listening to other people talk about their loss and grief.
- Encouraging people to share their feelings might demonstrate it’s an acceptable topic for conversation – some people want to talk about it too.
- We can’t be the only ones feeling loss and wanting to talk about it.
- Talk about our loss like it’s normal to feel this way.
- Be creative around our expressions of grief and share them publically. Organise events that allow for public expression of grief.
- Community art projects.
- XR had a die-in at the Manchester Museum.
- Hold a memorial or funeral and Thanksgiving service.
- Do something that lets people be reflective. Have a space to share feelings of grief and also culpability.
- It’s hard to talk about our culpability. People tell you not to worry, it’s not your fault.
- We seem to have an idea of freedom in this country that means being free from taking any responsibility for the harm we cause or feeling bad about it.
- Talk about loss and grief if there’s an opportunity in speeches at rallies or demonstrations. And at meetings, or in communication with politicians, newspapers etc.
- Give people permission to grieve.
- Many people have feelings of loss, including perhaps grief for aspects of our fossil-fuel-powered lifestyles, like maybe driving.
- Grieving ceremonies might help people come to terms with the loss and carry on.
- People need to be able to express their feelings.
- Perhaps the most important thing for us to do is to be available to people.
- We shouldn’t take the things we hear personally. We might not like what we hear but it’s not about us.
- Let the person we’re talking to go through their emotions.
- We’ve been through it.
- We can listen.
- We can empathise.
- It’s a kinder thing to do (than try to change someone’s mind or argue).
- We’ll have a chance to make a real connection and have a more interesting conversation (things that don’t happen enough).
- It’s important to have your system of support in place.
- You’re not alone with whatever comes out of the conversation.
- You’re not asking someone further behind in the journey to take the weight of your feelings.
- You can absorb what they’re saying or feeling, then express it later, allowing it to diffuse out so the burden is shared between many people (See Ring Theory “support in, complain out”).
- Share experiences and exchange ideas about what works well with other people who also want to make conversations about ecological grief and loss more acceptable.
- Try to understand what your grief is. What losses are you grieving for?
- People often say “The planet will still be here”. That is so unhelpful. I’m just really sad that polar bears are desperately floating on a tiny bit of ice. And, I’m really sad for all the people suffering as a result of climate change.
What makes it difficult to talk about climate-related loss and grief?
Social systems and structures
- Talking about climate grief is quite radical. We have free speech in principle, but in reality there are constraints, even though they are informal.
- How do we know we’re not supposed total about it?
- Experience of people shutting us down.
- People diminish your feelings.
- You get glib responses like “Don’t worry about it “.
- Our culture:
- Don’t cry
- Stiff upper lip
- Gender and class: there are expectations around what displays of emotion are okay for different groups of people.
- School and education – does it emphasise everyday communication and having good conversations?
Practically
- We’re not very good at having real conversations. We don’t get to practice a lot.
- It seems rare.
- It’s a skill that needs developing.
- I avoid conversations with people who think differently.
- Which means I’m not practising the skill.
- I often find myself trying to gauge people’s position on topics (for example, the planters in Levenshulme).
- How do we have conversations with people who think differently that are:
- Respectful.
- Don’t compromise our principles.
- Without trying to change them.
- Just trying to have a conversation.
- I’m learning to be more respectful as I get older.
- Not everybody is going to be good to talk to. You both need to want to have a conversation.